People with herpes should wear stickers.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i've created a new STD.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
