I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Send help, water and tortillas.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
