she woke up with a sticky ear
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
