one might say we're banned from that church
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
