You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
