If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
