Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
