therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
