I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
this will be a night to untag.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
