all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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