Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
