i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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