i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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