flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
