I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
