its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
