My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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