my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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