for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
