Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
