I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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