i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
