SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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