I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you had me at cake vodka
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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