Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
3 2 1 whiskey
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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