He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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