it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
