if you like me you must not know who I am
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
