my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
