the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
