You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
