i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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