Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
