A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
