I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
