If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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