My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
