Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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