you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
