She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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