Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
