Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
