Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
