I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
