i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
