I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
