Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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