I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
