My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i need some magic done to my vagina
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
