Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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