Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
